The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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