Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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