well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
