need another drink. this is the easiest way
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
