Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
