come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
