"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Randomize
