ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
