Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
