I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
