Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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