I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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