im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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