i just sent this text using only my big toe
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
