I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
