I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
