These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
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Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
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