At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
