Your tits are I can't wait for
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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