At least make sure they are 18
Why
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
