Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Randomize
