What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
