i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
