when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
