You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
