omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
