They should really pass out barf bags in church
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
