And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
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