1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I think I won the penis lottery.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I just sucked dick on a ferry
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
