I seem to have left my pride at pride
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
