my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
