Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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