I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
