Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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