i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
My liver just broke up with me...
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
