i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
