I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
there is glitter all over my balls
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
