WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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