why didn't you poke me back
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
