you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
