the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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