As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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