It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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