I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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