and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Randomize
