Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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