The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
