I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
