Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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