He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Pooping to opera.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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