She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
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I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
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