Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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