just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize