i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
