Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
