John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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