nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
