I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
