You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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