Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
