I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
