remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Randomize
