i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
