I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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