how can u be prego again
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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