I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
