TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
