I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
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I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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