i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
